Reading by Kate Pickering for a materiality workshop run by Rowena Harris. 

MARs Workshop Series on Materiality for Phd researchers, organised by artist and senior lecturer in the art department at Goldsmiths, Laura White. Studio A, Goldsmiths College

28th November 2017

 Falling Gamer Silhouette by Nora Panda

Falling Gamer Silhouette by Nora Panda


(un)conscious falling


and now you pitch forward into the void

arms wind-milling wildly

your cavernous mouth forms a dark





falling body

is stunned by

sublime terror

imminent loss of

a belief that is rooted inside you

that inheres in the fibres of your being

in this moment

you are uncoupled from your grounding belief in


as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end


a crisis of faith


it vanishes in an instant


it is violent


there will be no time to grieve



the force of the fall now pins your limbs to your sides

it winds you

it knocks out all former thought right out into the ether


you have ceased to load

your loading wheel mind circles and then freezes

jagged lines cut across your vision

you are blank









you unravel down

a yoyo that will not be retrieved

slicing through air that leaves a vortex trail in your wake

in the newness of the blank screen

the slate wiped clean


the falling lasts forever


years peel away

mistakes and failures are flayed off like

old skin

you are stripped of accretions

now you are nothing but a core

a code




stretches wildly out into a distance you cannot decipher

your clothes cling to a leaden body without sensation

you cannot tell where it begins and ends

it no longer seems to be yours


a hand appears before you

it’s fingers spread

are your eyes open or closed

you cannot recall

a stab of anxiety

you are awake

it is your hand

your hand is reaching down towards something but you cannot remember what

your eyes fail to focus


it is dark

as you peer into the dark

you begin

with fear

to comprehend that you are falling

but you are uncertain what you are falling in relation to

there seems to be no end to the falling

and no ground


you breathe thickly into dense air

there is something obstructing your vision

your jumper has ridden up and become stuck over your face

with great effort you inch

your clawed hand upwards

you struggle to peel it away

finding that your surroundings are still a dim blur

you catch sight of some disembodied legs

flapping wildly somewhere above you


one shoe missing


the laughter dies in your throat as you realise the legs belong to you


temporal strangeness mingles with a sense that you maybe floating after all

fuzzy headed

you suspend between dreaming and blankness

producing clear thought requires

an effort you cannot muster

thoughts are viscous

refusing to flow they cling stubbornly

won’t combine into coherence

you thickly perceive the ground you are falling towards

the darkness is lifting

a landscape

has separated into half tone pin pricks of colour

passing objects in the periphery of your vision pixellate into a slow blur of movement

dark objects spiral off

they mutate





you begin to make out an object moving upwards

with increasing speed

towards you

threatening a collision


you are falling too fast to change trajectory


blobs of undifferentiated shapes and colours rapidly crystalise

a rectangular screen

lit up

wireless and devoid of hardware

it displays an image you cannot yet focus on

it looms into view below you at high speed

it depicts the landscape beneath as a weft of contoured lines which peak into hills towards you and spread out into valleys

you cannot comprehend this doubling

it rises to meet you

it blocks out all vision

you tense and shut your eyelids preparing








but it does not come


there is no pain


you have fallen in

fallen through past the skin

your skin is it’s skin

you are smooth

and trouble free


Kate Pickering